After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
