She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
