I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
