He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
