I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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