he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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