The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
