remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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