Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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