I love black thongs
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
