Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
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