Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
