Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
