It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
