i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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