We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
