You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
