I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
