The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize