Is it because I queefed?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
