Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
