I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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