I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize