Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I wish i was in the wii world.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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