my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
