you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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