Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
