every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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