At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Come on in and take your pants off
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