in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
