I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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