Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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