It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
