this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
