I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
