dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
