he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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