i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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