I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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