Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
