bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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