the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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