they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
