I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
