I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
How does one acquire holy water?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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