i think i have two assholes
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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