I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
