I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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