He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
