My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
