i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
