They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
