Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
