why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
