I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
