Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
