tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
