Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The best revenge is premature balding
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
