Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i need an iv and a liver transplant
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
