dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
