weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
