Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
