How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
