The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
