so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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