the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
