Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
