now i know why i became what i already was.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
