I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
