Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
