My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
