its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
