maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
What drink are we having for lunch?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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