need another drink. this is the easiest way
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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