So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
