The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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