I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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