Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
