you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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