ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize
